I really don’t get it. Honestly. This is the year 2007, not 1907. In 1907 people used brooms to brush away floor debris. Maybe they didn’t even care about floor debris. In 2007, people (well, many of us anyway) DO care about the tidyness of our homes and floors.
On a daily basis, our hardwood floors amass a veritable salad of dog hair, gravel mine dust (we live less than a mile from a gravel mine and that is not all that it’s cracked up to be!) (if it’s even cracked up to be anything), cat fur, regular dust, half of the ingredients of the dinner Keith’s cooking, long strands of my hair, leaves tracked in from outside and the occasional Stamp Class scraps. We have no carpet- but we had a Kirby upright because the house prior had carpet. Most of the time the hose attachment was on. But, if you have ever used a Kirby… those are heavy, awkward suckers. (ha ha… suckers! get it? haha).
One day, we were at Costco. We just walked down the appliance aisle and came across a Hoover canister vacuum with some very nice features. Hepa filter, bagless, 360 degree rolling canister, telescoping wand, simple and lightweight! You all know the rule when it comes to Costco. You go in with a list and come out with a bunch more expensive items. Whoever said buying in bulk saves you hundreds of dollars a year was, umm, basically lying.
So here’s the Miracle Vacuum. For about 3 months anyway. Then it became tempermental. Do vacuums have feelings? Maybe I’m banging it on the walls too hard? Or didn’t sweet talk it enough? Or my true feelings about vacuuming (I DETEST IT) became known to it. Whatever I did, it decided to quit. A short in the wand at one of the 4 power cord connections. In the last month of our relationship, I was holding the bottom plug and the cord where it connects at the middle of the wand (contorting myself into an impossible vacuuming position) just to clean the house. My vacuum hated me and I hated it.
Oh. I forgot to mention that we gave away our Kirby.
Finally, two weeks ago, I return the darn vacuum to Costco. Got my money back and was actually going to try this model out again. Heck, it was a Hoover vacuum- the masters of vacuums, so I figured the short problem was a fluke. I couldn’t test this theory however. Another Costco Rule: inventory is unpredictable.
So there I began my quest. I researched vacuums at Consumer Reports. I went online and read user reviews. I am not about to spend $400+ on a Dyson, which apparently is the BEST, JERRY, THE BEST! I decided that Sears Kenmore was the one since our Kenmore clothes washer, dryer and refrigerator refuse to die (have you SEEN those awesome red washer/dryers they have now? built up higher with drawers underneath?! WHY CAN’T MY WASHER/DRYER JUST DIE?? OMG!).
I purchase the Kenmore Progressive canister vacuum. Yes, it’s blue. I really preferred the Guacamole color, but this one had all the features except the telescoping wand the Hoover did. I thought briefly about decorating it with googley eyes.
Happy ending, right? Well, as happy as you can be about vacuuming.
Today I break it out of the box. I assemble it. I proceed to vacuum and the damn thing died. Not once but TWICE. What? Is there some kind of Vacuum Network out there plotting against detestors of vacuums?? Is there some kind of potion I can use to make the vacuum cooperate? Or is this a miracle giving me permission to never vacuum again?
