When I first saw Helga, it was love at first sight.
I knew she had to be mine. I knew we were meant to be together FOREVER. Soon after my eyes glimpsed her photo I made arrangements to meet her. I drove hours to meet her in person. Yes, it was a relationship that started from my searching the lonely hearts clubs online. I’m not ashamed. We were soul mates. It was “To Be”.
After two dates, we made it legal. Her past relationship was with a person who really treated her nice. There was nothing she could want that she didn’t have. I knew it’d be a challenge for me to maintain the lifestyle she was accustomed to. I wanted to be that better person. She MADE ME WANT TO BE A BETTER PERSON. If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is.
We would take long trips together often – Long Beach, Disneyland, Yosemite, Oregon. We’d take lots of little trips to the coast or forests. We had fun, Helga and I. Saw the world, she and I. Good times.
I really don’t understand how things turned out the way they have. Was it me? Did I take her for granted? Don’t we ALL take our loves for granted at one time or another? Suddenly though, I became aware that there was another man in Helga’s life.
It began innocently enough. She met him during a routine oil change. Helga would see Tim only two or three times a year. But apparently she thought of him more often and began to devise ways to see him more. Suddenly, Helga would flash a warning at me and I’d jump into action. Unbeknownst to me, I fell right into her selfish plan.
I should have known. All the signs were there. First the oil changes, then the warnings became more serious in nature. It got to be where Helga would spend DAYS with Tim. And she began to rack up charges on my credit card. “Enough is enough!” I cried one day, heartbroken. I was being taken for a fool. “Helga!”…. “HELGAAAAAA!!!”.
It was over. We had to break up. Yet I loved her still and would always remember the days we’d drive the tight curves fast, think of her deep-throated purr and of her sleek lines. But once you’ve been played, it’s impossible to not see her devious nature as well. We needed to part ways before I did something reckless in a rage of anger and jealousy. The only way I could save her life is to set her free. So I did.
Goodbye Helga. I’ll miss you.
There needs to be some sort of warning device installed on a person, so that when that person becomes more than 10 feet away from their beloved iPhone, a buzzer sounds. I need that. I’d willfully subject myself to the gun injection of a microchip that will sound a faint beep in my ear. Or a blaring klaxon. Anything to prevent the shock and horror of 
And then one of it pumping iron.
